#23 – Say Goodbye

Todd Wilkins appears to be at least twenty years older than he is on this cover and, if I squint, he reminds me of Ray Romano. And Liz looks like she’s crying and then looking around as if in hopes someone will pay attention to her pain. In fact, the amount of times someone cries/has tears spring to his/her eyes/fights back tears or some other variant is astronomical.

Please note that this book beyond sucks. It’s the most redundant shit ever. The only thing more redundant than this story of Todd Wilkins moving to Vermont is “Brokenhearted,” which is when Todd moves back from Vermont. But I’m getting far too ahead of myself.

As I’ve mentioned, Todd is moving to Burlington, Vermont because Mr. Wilkins is getting transferred there. Of course, Liz is beside herself with this news. However, she and Todd try to stay positive about the situation and vow to remain true to each other, even though Steven Wakefield and even Enid Rollins think they’re morons for doing so.

Jess tries to make Liz feel better about Todd’s move, but when that doesn’t work, she decides that having Liz fall in love with someone else who’s less boring is a better plan, and who better than Nicholas Morrow…again? Since Liz spends all her time writing Todd letters (about what? How she’s keeping on top of her correspondence? Nothing else is going on in her life), Jess convinces Mr. Collins to have Liz cover the regatta, because Nicholas will be racing his sailboat (and win, obvs).

From that day on, Liz goes out constantly with Nicholas in an effort to distract herself from her woe, but when she realizes what she’s doing—using Nicholas as a rebound—and threatens to stop seeing him, Jess intervenes and tells Todd that Liz is dangerously depressed without him. Todd tragically agrees to never write or speak to Liz again, because Jess’ word is good enough, apparently. However, Lila throws a party, which Todd comes back for, and he sees Nicholas and Liz being all snuggly. Liz shits a brick and runs after Todd, and they make out in his old backyard and agree to break up for real real. It’s the end of an era!

Oh, yes, and more of Jess’ meddling, which isn’t so irritating considering how annoying Liz’s whining is: Jess starts working at Perfect Match, a local matchmaking business, to help pay off a $90 bill from Lisette’s. (Why couldn’t I get awesome jobs like that in high school? I had to work at Pizza Hut, which, honestly, was pretty freaking fun. But I digress.) She’s still annoyed that Steven still hasn’t been baggin’ any babes since Tricia’s death, so she uses her new job to her advantage to help Steven find some dates. And she must’ve found them in the “reject” pile, because she picks a forty-three-year-old divorcee, a punk rawk girl in leather, and a chick who says she loves food too much to give love a chance after all. I’m now beginning to doubt Jess’ love for Steven.

But all Jess’ matchmaking is for naught, because now Steven is interested in… Cara Walker! At long last! It’s a Christmas miracle. It’s because Cara’s so sensitive and mature now that her parents are divorcing and her dad and brother have moved out—she, like Steven, knows what it’s like to lose someone. Or whatever. Bleh, I hate this book.

Other Notes:

· Jess looks “appraisingly at her brother” and muses, “He’s so good-looking.” Is this normal?
· Nicholas tells Liz that the “private” name for his sailboat is “My Favorite Twin.” Gag.
· Times Jessica says something “innocently”: at least five.
· Times someone sobs/cries/has tears in their eyes/etc.: no less than 24.