I’d like to thank the library’s inter-library loan system, Bookmooch, eBay for getting my collection started, book fairs, the Salvation Army and Francine Pascal for coming up with such a ridonculous premise in the first place.

Thanks especially to everyone who read/s this blog–though the posts will be much fewer, hopefully you’ll keep coming back for a dose of bratty, slang-heavy Sweet Valley snark!

“That is the stupidest story I’ve ever heard, and I’ve read the entire Sweet Valley High series.”

Now I can say that with authority!

First of all, I have a like/hate relationship with Juno, but I’m not really weighing that here, although it does lend Cody street cred. Overall, however, I can’t see how the SVH movie could be done and be good, or even so bad it’s good. (I hope for the latter, truthfully.)

I think it’s too soon to take a stance because I don’t know what direction this project will take. Will it be full of campy, John Hughes-worthy ’80s goodness, or will it have a “Gossip Girl” spin? Will the sheer dumbness of the series be present? I would hope, as I don’t think I have the capability to take anything SVH-related seriously. (Please see “Easy Access” for examples.)

Then there’s the matter of who the cast will be. If Blake fucking Lively is cast as a twin, I’ll barf. I can’t stand most young actors today–no one seems worthy! Zac Efron as Todd. Gag me, y’all.

Sweet Valley High has been re-released and failed. There’s been a TV show that was meh. What will an SVH movie do for us? I can’t even fathom what the plot would be. Will Liz and Todd break up five thousand times? Will Regina die after a Bruce Patman-inspired coke binge? Will Jess make out with a vampire? Will Liz get kidnapped and conked on the head by a murderous psycho on multiple occasions, or will she almost die on Todd’s motorcycle? Will Sam Woodruff die after one sweet sip of Magic Punch at the prom? Will there be a pool push? Will Margo finally win the day? There’s just way too much ground to cover. But I bet you anything there’ll be a dance.

Story here.

(Originally aired January 9, 1995)

* Photo credit to hellobrisvegas *

It’s Career Week at Sweet Valley High, and Liz and Todd Wilkins both get internships at the Sweet Valley Tribune, and Todd gripes because he has to review “Dreamgirls” and Liz gripes because she has to write about sports and they play hockey for no reason in the middle of the SVH hallway during the montage that’s basically all that happens with them. Moving right along…

Jess, however, is a fashion assistant to Dante, a super famous designer who carries around a fat little dog named Virgil. The youngest Wakefield is sure that this internship will lead to great things, but she is soon subjected to giving the aforementioned Virgil a flea dip instead of practicing her craft, so she works late into the night at a drafting table working on her ideas (which is seen during the montage). Jess shows Dante a jacket design (with brocaded lapels and double stitching—ooh la la!), which he scoffs at and then promptly steals. Jess, determined not to let Dante get away with this, recruits Winston Egbert and Koichi to help her, and why they do after her balloon-ride rudeness, I don’t know why. However, Koichi is conveniently Asian so he pretends to be the bigwig from the Orient that Dante is trying to impress and Winston is his translator, and they manage to get Dante to admit that the jacket wasn’t his just as the real bigwig steps out and insists that it’s his favorite piece. Of course it is. Dante applauds Jess’s masterful deception and promotes her to his protégé.

Meanwhile, Lila Fowler is ready to die, for she will be a mere waitress at the Moon Beach Café for the week. “It’s not that I don’t have a good work ethic, I just despise manual labor.” Lolz. Lila, of course, makes a crappy addition to the wait staff—Bruce Patman demands an ice cream sundae at the Moon Beach Café, to which she snaps, “It’s cooking, okay?” Then a cute delivery boy—Heath? Keith? Whatevs, we never see him again after this—strolls in, announcing, “I’m here with the meat.” I’m sure you are, sir.” Heath-Keith (who reminds me of Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall) is taken by Lila and assumes that she’s a working-class girl, which he finds super sexy, so Lila doesn’t mind letting him think that she’s grown up poor and eating scraps. Pff @ the very thought. Bruce reminds Lila that her new paramour is “poor, not stupid” and how she needs to come clean, but she believes that “the truth is only luxury [she] cannot afford.” It’s sort of hot when Bruce, of all people, is the voice of reason.

H-K takes Lila on a moonlight picnic, for which he’s whipped up a Caesar salad, Tuscan chicken with rosemary and chocolate cake. (I don’t know why I felt the need to relay the entire menu.) He encourages her to turn the Moon Beach Café into a gourmet restaurant, which she attempts to do by lighting candles and bringing Winston duck sausage and couscous, to which he replies blankly, “I ordered pork and beans.” Oh, Winston. Why are you so foxy? Anyway, Lila’s so impressed with H-K’s foodies that she gets him an appointment with Papa Fowler, who is opening up a chain of Fowler Grills or something, but H-K tells off Papa Fowler because he assumes he was Lila’s sugar daddy. Just what was Papa Fowler saying behind that closed office door? Lila finally tells H-K what the haps are and H-K becomes the new dessert chef at the new restaurant. Happy endings!

Additional Reading:

• Heath’s walking papers on hellobrisvegas’ post in 1bruce1 are just too much, y’all.

]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/working-girls/feed/ 3 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/love-on-the-line/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/love-on-the-line/#comments Tue, 18 Aug 2009 01:39:23 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=878 ]]>

(Originally aired January 2, 1995)

* Photo credit to hellobrisvegas *

Todd SMASH!

Today, we’ve one of my favorite SVH eppies: “Love on the Line” (no relation to Murder on the Line), which is a reimagining of My Best Friend’s Boyfriend, only without those pesky non-Wakefieldian characters.

Enid Rollins works at Project Youth, where Mr. Collins walks around, looking lecherous. She speaks to a caller, Mike, about his parents divorce, and they laugh! They giggle! And he asks her out about five sentences into the conversation! And—way to go, Enid—this cat is actually sort of cute, and not just for the show either. But when Enid finds out Mike is a quarterback from Bridgewater, she freaks out about not being attractive enough for him, to which Liz replies weakly, “You’re pretty. You’re…interesting.” LOLOLOL. It’s the most insincere thing ever.

But Enid’s esteem is bolstered by her “pep talk” from Liz, so she goes to meet him at the Moon Beach, where she experiences another freak out that leads her right into Jessica’s nefarious clutches. For some reason, Enid thinks that Jess will actually help her and convince Mike that she’s cool, but Jess simply pretends she’s Enid and steals the date (“Let me show you where the real action is”). Liz and Enid confront Jess about her evil deed, but Jess shrugs it off, saying that if Enid challenges her, she’ll just tell Mike that Enid only wanted to date him so everyone would think he was cool.

The plot only gets more convoluted when Mike calls Project Youth and reaches the real Enid, who invites him miniature golfing. She drags Liz and Todd Wilkins with her, and Todd is so gay, with a sassy finger point and an “Okay, but I get the red ball.” Here’s the deal: Enid is going to be Liz, Liz is going to be Jess being Enid, and Todd is going to be himself. (“I’m not going to get the red ball, am I?”)

As Todd mutters the classic, “I’m gonna kill that guy” while Mike puts his dirty mitts all over his girlfriend, Liz acts like a high-maintenance beeyotch for funsies, e.g., cutting in on someone else’s turn and kicking their golf ball away, constantly reapplying makeup, screwing up other people’s shots, acting like Jess… In a rage, Todd breaks his golf club 500 times with a “boink” sound effect. BTW: this is all occurring during a montage, naturally.

Mike confronts Liz-as-Jess-as-Enid about her douche-y behavior, to which she asks, “Did you really expect me to care what you had to say?” and, before walking away, says, “I think you’re getting a zit.” Bwa. Then Mike catches Liz and Todd smooching (with metaphorical geysers splooging all around them!) and is all, “WTF, mate?” So Enid finally comes clean while background music strongly resembling “I Will Come to You” plays, and she’s all, “I want to be there for you,” and he’s all, “I want that too.” Sounds like fun for Enid.

Meanwhile, Winston Egbert is learning Japanese to better accommodate the foreign exchange student that will be living with his fam. Howevs, his efforts are distracted by Bruce Patman playing pranks on him (hot sauce in milkshake, a glued ass sticking to a seat). Fortunately, the foreign exchange student—Koichi, who was already in Sweet Valley in the last episode but is now arriving on a plane and meeting everyone—speaks perfect English. Actually, he’s perfect in general. He’s charming! He does pen tricks! He carries fake steaks in his leather briefcase! He wears mohair! He is also Winston’s new idol, but Winston sees him chatting up Bruce and figures all hope is lost…until Koichi sneaks some octopus into Bruce’s hamburger and Bruce runs away spewing and Koichi accredits the prank as Winston’s doing and everyone congratulates the Eggman. But yeah right at Bruce nearly dying at the taste of octopus—he’s a Patman, for Christ’s sake! They probably eat snails and the like all the live long day.

Other Notes:

• Far East music plays every time Koichi dispenses wisdom, Mr. Myagi-style. It’s rich.
• The montage is a lot funnier when you pretend that it’s all from Todd’s POV while the lyrics and music to “Get Your Hands Off of My Woman” race through is already tiny brain. Hopefully wearing that stripey jumpsuit too. You cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUNT!
• As for Jess, her sentence is to take a four-hour balloon ride with Winston and Koichi. That’s a punishment? Sign me up.
• hellobrisvegas’ insights on Todd in this episode in the 1bruce1 journal make me cry with laughter.

]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/18/love-on-the-line/feed/ 1 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/stolen-diary/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/stolen-diary/#comments Fri, 14 Aug 2009 20:00:39 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=875 ]]>

(Originally aired December 12, 1994)

Today’s cautionary tale addresses what happens when you leave Jessica Wakefield alone and up to her own devices for too long.

Liz accidentally blows off Jess several times because she would rather be hanging out with her true love, Todd Wilkins, leaving Jess to eat ice cream home alone and get pissed. Everyone gets in a fight about it, and Liz writes about it tearfully in her diary: “Tonight was the worst.” Was it really? Someone get this girl a reality check, stat.

It turns out Jess is jealous of Liz and Todd’s relationship so instead of snagging her own boyfriend or joining an after-school club or getting a life, she decides to make everyone’s life a living hell. First, she encourages some slut hot for Whizzer to sit on his lap and make out with him at the Moon Beach Café, and of course Liz walks in at that moment and refuses to let him explain. How out of the ordinary! Liz mopes around, and instead of feeling bad about what she’s done, Jess wants them to give each other facials. But Liz is too, too depressed, y’all!

Some weirdo in khakis—Chris Sanders, who looks way older than everyone (and apparently went on to direct Lilo & Stitch)—has always had an intense crush on Liz, so Jess urges him to ask Liz out and he practically creams himself. Huh? Why is Jess replacing one boyfriend with another? What will that accomplish? Still, somehow, Liz actually consents to going out to dinner with him, but when he drops her off, he does all but molest her on her doorstep and she’s all teary, “Please don’t touch me!” This dude is such a creep show! When she finally manages to make it inside without being sexually assaulted in the five feet separating the car and the front door, Chris Sanders screams, “Damn it!” and conveniently finds her diary on the sidewalk after she’d accidentally dropped her bag when getting out of the car, and he stops driving in the middle of the street to read it beneath a lamppost with an evil glint in his eye. Oh noes!

While Liz frets over where her Dear Diary has gone, Chris tells everyone how Liz couldn’t keep her dirty, sexy paws off him, and when Todd threatens the guy’s life, Chris smirks about how he and Liz are so close enough, he now knows about what happened on the Fourth of July—“I know I wouldn’t let a stuck zipper get in my way.” OOOOH OHNOHEDIDN’T! I can’t believe they insinuated anything about Liz and Todd’s zippers. So much information to process! Could it be that Liz and Todd are getting their swerve on, if only in the show? Oh dear. I don’t have the time to dwell on this.

Just last episode, I wasn’t sure if the montages could get lamer, but this one taught me that they can! This episode’s montage is Chris Sanders spreading lies and making everyone uncomfortable on a mall escalator. FOR REAL! Who thinks up this nonsense?

Everyone hates on Liz for the whole school knowing all their secrets and Todd all but dumps her. When Jess confronts Liz about telling everyone how she got busted for shoplifting a lipstick, they deduce that Chris Sanders has her diary and is using it to exact his revenge. So Jess goes to the Moon Beach Café, where she seduces Chris by taking off her jacket like a hooker and tells him to meet her in the place where she and Liz take their “special friends.” As soon as she walks away, Chris runs to his car and flips through Liz’s diary to find out where this alleged place is, and Winston Egbert sits up in the backseat and then Todd and the Japanese guy (Koichi) flank the car, and he’s surrounded and he pounds on the steering wheel like he just lost the race at Thunder Road.

And everyone loves Liz again! Enid Rollins says, “At least we got to know each other a lot better!” And Liz explains to the gang that she never meant to hurt anyone—she just wrote down everything so she’d remember all the special times they all had. Hmm… So I wonder what Bruce Patman’s mom’s affair with the pool boy with the cabana had to do with Liz and why she considers it a special time worth writing about. But then! Liz winds up apologizing to Jessica: “You’re right. I need to make time for you.” Dear God.

Other Notes:

• Chris Sanders dispenses some advice—“Girls like it when you treat them with respect”—to which Bruce replies, “Anything’s worth a try!” Then Jess spooges ketchup and mustard on his pants.
• For some reason, Koichi is in this episode, while the next episode shows him arriving in America. For Christ’s sake, the show clearly makes about as much sense as the books do.
• The picture I used for this post does not reflect this episode.

]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/14/stolen-diary/feed/ 2 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/poetic-injustice/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/poetic-injustice/#comments Thu, 13 Aug 2009 19:58:37 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=870 ]]>

(Originally aired December 5, 1994)

And I thought the montages couldn’t get any lamer. The New Jessica + Teacher Crush + Playing for Keeps = this hot mess.

The gang is all going to a poetry slam at the Blue Iguana, where some English dude in a Renaissance costume is reading a poem that goes, “But my refrigerator does not want my…juice bar… It wanted my only daughter!” (BWA. And Lila Fowler is the only one who finds meaning in it. More lolz.) Anyway, they’re all there to listen to Adam, the poetry teacher—actually, as Liz says and Jess soon finds out, “he’s more than a teacher.” So true; he’s so hip—he’s hot (for the show) and wears a leather jacket and straddles chairs backward when he’s sitting down and Jess has gone coo-coo for cocoa puffs, i.e., she’s hot for teacher.

Although everyone laughs at her because Jess hasn’t had a brain in ages and now all of a sudden she’s carrying around Walt Whitman, Adam believes in her, so she’s got a new lust and, like Jefferson Starship, nothin’s gonna stop her now. Meanwhile, Adam wrote a poem on the brink of being published but gives the poem to Liz because he so desperately craves her opinion. People! Learn how to function!

There’s another poetry slam happening, which means…MONTAGE! Oh God, and does it ever suck. It’s the biggest non-poetry slam I’ve ever seen and is basically everyone fucking around behind a microphone: the girls are doing some kind of ‘50s dance a la the Shangri-las, Enid Rollins has a puppet, Patty Gilbert’s waving around pom-poms, and Winston Egbert’s doing stand-up or something. It’s beyond retarded.

Then Jess strolls in, now with black tresses and wearing a fringed vest and a leather band around her head, and everyone’s like “SANDY?!” and she’s all, “Tell me about it, stud.” (That movie is always so applicable.) She reads a poem, and now just any poem—she reads the poem Adam gave Liz, thinking Liz wrote it, and passes it off as her own as she comes skipping back to the table, desperately seeking praise.

Everyone’s up in arms about Jess stealing Adam’s work, but no one really acknowledges that Jess thought she was stealing from Liz. Either way, Adam doesn’t care; he’s just happy that Jess now has an appreciation for poetry and is excited about learning. But Enid laughs in Jess’s face—I never thought I’d see the day—and tells Jess that Adam wrote the poem, and Lila scoffs, “You’re out of your league.” Burn!

So what does Jess do? Run to Adam and tell him that he’s made “a complete fool” out of her and blames him for ruining her life, conveniently forgetting that her life wouldn’t have been ruined if she hadn’t plagiarized. His response is something to the effect of “But now you know stuff about poetry!” Ha-ha. Okay, so he tells her, “You can give up on me, but don’t give up on yourself,” and then later she shows up at the Moon Beach Café in a fishing hat when Lila, Patty, and Enid are looking for a certain poem, and Jess recites it by heart—it just so happens to be her favorite.

In other news, Winston pops on some Lennon-shaped shades and attempts to grow a goatee (his “passport to Babe-a-lonia”) because “intellectual girls” are into beatnik guys. So he gets some facial hair and a beret and I want to make out with him more than usual. However, those intellectual girls are not all they’re cracked up to be, as Winston reports back to the group, “One girl said she wanted to pierce my eyelid. Can they do that?” I’ll pierce your eyelid anytime you want, Winston. Yes, I’m making innuendo out of that.


]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/13/poetic-injustice/feed/ 1 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/club-x/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/club-x/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:04:31 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=868 ]]>

(Originally aired November 28, 1994)

Hooray! One of my favorite Bruce Patman/Jessica Wakefield Brat Offs, massacred!


Chrome Dome’s car alarm is blasting through the parking lot as he comes teetering out, and then Jell-O explodes all over it from a precariously hanging garbage bag above. There’s a love note from Club X accompanying the mess, and Chrome Dome just mutters, “I should’ve known.” Huh? If you should’ve known, why don’t you get some Rogain and thus some confidence to actually run your school properly? Perhaps that was a bit harsh, even though he is a total fucking moron. I’m sorry, Principal Cooper.

Jess is all a-twitter at the thought of joining Club X (“I can’t wait to do something bad!”), even though Bruce sneers that it’s guys only. Still, she wrangles herself an invite to the secret meeting at an abandoned warehouse, where the dudes are wearing masks of dead presidents and acting all Masonic. Jess’s first task is to steal a car, and she reaches into Bruce’s windbreaker (paired nicely with a pair of crisp white tennis shorts cut up to high heaven) to filch his keys and, ultimately, his Porsche. “That’s a new clutch!” he wails. Oh, Bruce.

Miss Wakefield’s next task, so spake The Wheel of Misfortune (from Neopets?), is to put dish liquid in the new school fountain, which she does, dressed like a beekeeper. Then she’s almost caught by Chrome Dome! After a stint with knowing exactly how the school’s sprinkler system works, Jess manages to distract Chrome Dome for awhile as she stuffs her entire outfit in the trash can—alas, her wet sneakers give her away in the hall, where she dumped the dish liquid and risked a giant lawsuit.

Now fated to detention, Jess, alone in the warehouse, gives the Wheel of Misfortune a few begrudging turns, only to find Bruce had sneaked a magnet under her name. That wily Bruce! She moves the magnet to beneath his name, and at the next meeting suggests that during halftime at The Next Big Game, the chosen Club Xer will skydive into the stadium with the club’s banner. Of course, Bruce is the one to make the leap, but at the last moment, Jess phones the skydiving company to “change drop coordinates.” Like Jess knows what drop coordinates are. Nevertheless, Bruce lands not in the stadium but in Chrome Dome’s car (while squealing excitedly “I’ll make the paper! And the six o’clock news… It’ll be the movie of the week!”). Way to go, slugger.

Meanwhile, Todd Wilkins is acting like an annoying turd because he’s won a lot of money by hustling suckers in basketball, and now he’s blowing off Liz and Winston Egbert. Not Winston! When Todd snaps, “If you all have such a problem with the way I am, maybe you should leave me alone,” Winston and Liz vow to teach Todd a lesson—by landing him a one-on-one game with Kurt Rambis from The Lakers, who rips Todd a new one and reminds Todd “it is just a game. Don’t forget what’s really important.” The more you know, star.

The best news about this episode: NO MONTAGE! Actually, I enjoy myself a good montage, so let me rephrase: NO CRAPPY MONTAGE!


]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/club-x/feed/ 4 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/photographic-evidence/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/photographic-evidence/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2009 01:04:27 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=863 ]]>

(Originally aired November 21, 1994)

In today’s episode, we will be viewing a visual interpretation of Regina’s Legacy, only without Regina, and without a legacy. Then again, Regina’s Legacy lacked those things too, so I won’t hold too big of a grudge against the show.


While looking like a limo driver in a porno (with an ascot!), Jess whips up a milkshake consisting of milk, a banana peel, an apple, and an egg shell and blathers on about stringing two poor bastards along. Liz, however, is too preoccupied with the newspaper when reading about how a woman saves seven people from something or other and frets about her own super powers. This scene does nothing except serve as an instance of when Liz doesn’t have time for Jess’s “boy stories.”

Liz and Winston Egbert—who’s looking hotter and hotter every day—go to the lake to take pictures for Liz’s photo journalism class. A photography montage ensues! This means lots of shots of Liz and Winston holding their 35mm up to their faces with lots of “click click click” noises while that crappy band plays. The photos that are taken are blurry, uninteresting and downright abysmal, but I’m sure I don’t have to tell you. Then Liz photographs a bald guy and a foxy guy stuffing a rich-looking guy into the back of a van, and the bald guy gets all testy and so she and Winston high tail it out of there as the foxy guy observes her license plate number. (Please keep in mind that when I say “foxy guy,” I mean “the foxiest of the losers the casting agent was able to scrounge up.”)

Todd Wilkins watches the news with Liz while wearing a red cap backward and looking like a bigger douche than usual, but I’m digressing. Apparently, a key witness was kidnapped, and guess who Liz photographed being stuffed in the van! Meanwhile, the foxy guy—Chad—approaches Jess and she is so vain she pretends to know what he’s talking about re: wanting to see the picture “she” took, just so she can put her hands all over the butt of his high-waisted, junk-defining jeans.

The darkroom at school has been trashed by some mysterious ne’er do well and all of Liz’s pictures are ruined except for the one copy of The Photograph that she attempted to print and fucked up. But never fear! Winston’s computer performs a reality-defying act that allows him to scan in the image and “the computer fills in the missing information.” And then he puts a bra on his head and creates Lisa, the perfect woman. While this is going on, Jess is on a date gone bad with Chad, who points a gun at her at the Moon Beach Café and tells her he’s done messing around—he wants The Photograph! As he’s dragging her back to school, Manny the Mexican Boy is useful for the first time in his life when he indentifies Chad in The Photograph as Jess’s new boyfriend. Oh noes!

At SVH, Chad is breaking into Liz’s locker while the gang hides around the corner, whispering over what they should do. Liz steps out with The Photograph to taunt the bad guy for some reason, and everything starts looking grim when Lila Fowler springs out and whacks him on the head with a fire extinguisher. Then two gay cops burst in anti-climactically, The Photograph makes the front page of the paper, and then what happens? Liz apologizes to Jessica for not taking the time to listen to her rambling on about which dude she was blowing now. For real real! Only in Sweet Valley.


]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/08/11/photographic-evidence/feed/ 3 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/the-last-to-go/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/the-last-to-go/#comments Thu, 23 Jul 2009 00:31:01 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=846 ]]> All right, y’all, it’s getting down to the wire. This is what’s left to read, recap and tear a new one:

53 – Second Chance
74 – The Perfect Girl
81 – Rosa’s Lie
89 – Elizabeth Betrayed
91 – In Love With A Prince
94 – Are We In Love?
112 – Jessica Quits The Squad
114 – “V” For Victory
116 – Nightmare In Death Valley
131 – Fashion Victim
134 – Happily Ever After
140 – Please Forgive Me
142 – The Big Night

Jessica Takes Manhattan
Mystery Date
Last Wish
Earthquake
Aftershock

A Killer On Board
“R” For Revenge

Elizabeth’s Secret Diary
Jessica’s Secret Diary
Elizabeth’s Secret Diary, Vol. III
Jessica’s Secret Diary, Vol. III

Eep! Twenty-four left. This is serious biz. I don’t know whether to applaud myself or cry knowing that I’ve read 160-some SVH books. Which will be the last book I read? I’m curious myself.

To see those aforementioned 160-some recaps, prance on over to Easy Access for the full listing.


]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/23/the-last-to-go/feed/ 2 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/13/sweet-valley-high-slam-book-award-9-most-memorable-minority/ http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/13/sweet-valley-high-slam-book-award-9-most-memorable-minority/#comments Mon, 13 Jul 2009 23:39:34 +0000 the "s" word http://margorising.wordpress.com/?p=800 ]]> …Hmm.

There’s Annie Whitman’s stepsister Cheryl, whose only claim to fame was for dating the twins’ brother Steven for fifteen seconds. There’s Jade Wu, the dancer of Chinese ancestry who betrays her old-school family to perform in the talent show and win the adoration of her peers at SVH. There’s Manuel Lopez, who saves the life of his girlfriend but she still won’t tell her prejudiced parents that they’re dating until he’s about to be hauled off to jail. Patty Gilbert did some stuff. But the most memorable minority in the world according to Sweet Valley High is:



Winner: Maria Slater

She lasted more than one book, you guys! Unfortch, it’s only because she was validated by Liz Wakefield and christened her new best friend in the later books. She was the ex-child actress who grew up to be a black, slightly cooler Enid Rollins. Laaame.

Runner Up: Andy Jenkins, that guy who almost made out with Neil Freemount on the cover of #69 – Friend Against Friend


]]> http://margorising.wordpress.com/2009/07/13/sweet-valley-high-slam-book-award-9-most-memorable-minority/feed/ 2 the "s" word