There are so many to choose from! Between the twins alone, we have Luke Shepard, the dude who thought he was a werewolf and slaughtered half of London. We have James, an accomplice of evil Margo’s whom Jess was hooking up with before Margo shoved him off a pier. We have Christian, the ex-gang leader whose noble pool death made it possible for Palisades High and SVH to live in peace. Then we sort of have vampire hottie Jonathan Cain, who probably doesn’t count because he’s actually undead. I’m sure I’m missing a few. But overall, the Best Dead Boyfriend is:
Posts Tagged ‘Sam Woodruff’
Magna Edition: Jessica’s Secret Diary, Vol. III
February 22, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
Jess is super pretty on this cover. However, on the inside, we see all sorts of scenes that never happened in this book, like Jess and Liz running from the law, Bruce Patman giving Jess daisies (as if) and…LIZ canoodling with some dude by the pool. That’s definitely Liz. Why is she on the inside flap of Jess’s diary.
Ugh. This one’s so boring, you guys. I have about five sentences to say about it.
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Magna Edition: Elizabeth’s Secret Diary, Vol. III
February 22, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
My only consolation in reading a third secret Elizabeth diary is that I’ll never have to read another one again. This volume was especially aggravating.
#98 – The Wedding
February 20, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
What is this nonsense? I feel like this is a scene out of Dynasty — rich people with drama getting married! And I have no idea what that tiny doodle of Drew Barrymore and an extra from The Outsiders is supposed to be about. However, I have a sneaking suspicion it’s a Wakefield twin. Or someone who looks like a Wakefield. Those kinds of people are the only ones that matter in this world.
According to the spine on this book, this story is classified as “Terror.” Mmm, no.
#97 – The Verdict
February 20, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
Liz looks like she’s channeling Drew Barrymore here. Are we supposed to believe that she looks anything like the hideous twins hovering over the logo? I’m also annoyed that Liz looks so defiant and unremorseful. I want her to look hopeless and regretful and scared, dammit! She just killed a guy! I can’t wait to see how she gets out of this one, by the way.
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#95 – The Morning After
February 20, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
New covers! This depresses me. First off, the twins ain’t fine enough to be considered the little miracles they have been in Sweet Valley. And what’s supposed to be going on at the bottom? It’s a mess. Who’s that saucy brunette? Is that supposed to be Lila Fowler? That’s quite the emphasized breast. Just so you know, the guy with the jacket slung over his shoulder in the left-hand corner gawking at the teenage hoodlums making out is supposed to be Bruce Patman, and even HE isn’t tasty-looking. This is overturning everything I knew. I’m a traditionalist here.
Not only does this book mark a whole slew of new artwork, but it also marks an official literary hijacking of the Sweet Valley High series. (Did I just use the word “literary” and “SVH” in the same breath? I feel dirty now.) But it’s true – the books are longer and—dare I say it?—better written. I felt like I was reading a real story! I’ve heard rumors that the work of ghostwriter “Kate William” is actually written by a bunch of other ghostwriters; is this book proof?
Improved writing aside, the series sadly gets…weird. It’s still completely ridiculous, but now it’s sort of lost its lightheartedness and gets downright depraved. What I recall from the books I’ve read in the past (and the books I shall bravely once again reread—and I’m not counting the photo covers [cry! I can scarcely believe it]), they’re sort of depressing. The Morning After is no exception. (Furthermore, this is not about the morning after; it’s more like The Week or So After, but I guess that’s less dramatic.)
And now onto the myriad of storylines!
Magna Edition: A Night To Remember
February 19, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
MAY 1993
The prom! How exciting. I am entrusting that SVH will do this up right. Don’t read a later recap before moving through this quintessential, fictional rite of Sweet Valley passage.
In with A Night to Remember rushes the new covers, logo, and formatting, and let me just say that I am not looking forward to reading numbers #95 to fin because — and get this — they look too damn long. The original books were the appropriate length: not only did they tell the story they needed to tell, but they were redundant enough as it was. I cringed at the thought of reading this story — at a hefty 345 pages — and I was a Lit major.
Anyway, so the reign of original cover artist James Mathewuse is over, and Francine and the gang got someone new to create this masterpiece. I’ve always been annoyed at how the two Jessica pictures are exactly alike on the inside cover. As usual, Todd looks a billion years old. Jess still has her wonky little bangs — some things never die…unlike some characters I know. Oh, but I’m getting ahead of myself!
#94 – Are We In Love?
February 19, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
I’m enjoying Cheryl Thomas’s jewelry—primarily her rings—but nothing—not even the *gasp!* interracial snuggling—robs my attention more on this cover than Steven Wakefield, looking like an actual person instead of a robot for once. The relaxed pose! The devil-may-care grin! The wind-tossed hair! Dating outside his race really masks the android within. Good for you, Steven.
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#93 – Stepsisters
February 19, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
Look! An African American in Sweet Valley! That brings the number up to, like, three. Which admittedly sounds a lot like my high school alma mater.
These girls – Cheryl Thomas and Annie Whitman (who doesn’t even look like herself– continuity!) – appear to be middle-aged and at a Saturday barbeque for yuppies. Especially Annie, I can’t even handle it – she looks like someone’s mom.
#92 – She’s Not What She Seems
February 19, 2009
* Photo credit to The Closet *
Something about this cover tells me I’m going to be reading a story about a secret bitch, a Suzanne Devlin, if you will, who was also not what she seemed and was downright too good to be true in fact! Something about this cover also tells me that Jessica just recently did a couple bong rips and underwent a lobotomy that was enacted with a rock and a sharp stick. LOOK AT HER FACE.
A warning: THIS BOOK GAVE ME ANXIETY!!!1
